Yearning for something…

I want a branch line. A model railway that goes from one place, to another, via a few stops. Short trains, a goods service, western flavour but probably early British Rail…

Most of all I want Pannier tanks, red coaches and lovely big green trees running through some rolling hills and countryside. I spend hours on Rails (other emporium available) looking at models in different scales. I look at the space I have available, I try to think of ways to squeeze something into this but it frustrates for compact ‘bitsa’ cameo scenes don’t cut it. 

I can’t squeeze this feeling into a box.

Yet I continue… I reflect that OO is the best compromise for such a project really as N frustrates. I’ve had N gauge Panniers and they weren’t right, the detail lovely but the running erratic. I ponder O, and some sort of cameo shed scene, I don’t have the space for that either…

So instead I resign myself to thoughts of ‘one day’ - but will that ever arrive? It isn’t tomorrow, next week or even next year. 

Change is inevitable.

A family home move likely in the next decade but do I, like so many of you, have to put that dream on hold? 

The feeling is strong. It comes and goes, I can ignore it with Canadian HO and British Speedlink in N - but it never completely subsides… I collect models and sell models and try to rid myself of this burden; but perhaps, instead, I need to embrace it. 

This branch isn’t a model of a place I remember, rather it is a place I experienced, first hand…

The model isn’t a preserved railway. It is a re imagination of a model I had as a child. The ‘train room’ was my sanctuary. I spent hours in there, model making, playing trains, reading my Grandpa’s old train magazines. Hiding from reality, a world I struggled to fit into - recharging too, topping up my ‘social battery’. It helped shape my understanding of who I am - it was a place to find myself.

In today’s topsy turvy world I am struggling; perhaps the yearning for a branch line is no more than an echo, my subconscious reminding me of that sanctuary. A quiet calm place to restore myself is more important than ever. Whether I fill it with Panniers or Class 08s doesn’t matter; looking after myself and recognising this is more important than the models themselves.

A powerful thing writing, for I hadn’t worked this out before I started. 

I can replace the frustration for not having my branch line with a kindness to recognise stress, to deliberately unplug from customer work, book and magazine production and spend some quality time with my existing models. Thank you model railways. Thank you all for listening too, until next time, more soon…

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