Through the darkness…
I struggle with mood this time of year. I’m not sure if it’s my ‘artistic temprament’ but I’ve wrestled with my mood throughtout life, but in more recent years and especially living here in the valley, my partner has really noticed how winter effects me…
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| Following the ribbons to the light - Saskatchewan 1989, Keith Hilton photo. |
I was sat this morning, dark outside, cloudy, wet, miserable weather. Not much better in the lounge.
I was sat, stuck. A feeling of hopelessness.
Like I was up against the buffers at a terminus and couldn’t go any further.
I needed a friend, a companion, a loved one to shunt release my train and help me…
She did. Almost without knowing.
It may sound strange but I find railway metaphors help me articulate how I am, and of course help me understand myself too - as things get darker here, remembering that if I follow the ribbons, stretching out in front of me I’ll get through it.
Day follows night just as spring from winter.
Light will follow dark.
The melancholy in me pauses, smiles, recognising perhaps that without this cycle I wouldn’t be the artist I am? Railways a language I am comfortable to express myself in - yes. My creativity a product of these experiences. Regular service will resume soon, until next time…
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Lovely, atmospheric photo James. Take care.
ReplyDeleteThanks Tom, agreed.
DeleteIt is definitely connected to the date and time: 1918/11/11, 11 a.m.
ReplyDeleteThank you. Definitely always worth pausing to remember.
DeleteNice photo James. Its great to have a partner that can spot and get you through some dark times especially with the days being significantly shorter. Take care James.
ReplyDeleteThank you Kevin.
DeleteLook at Amazon and consider the Lumie Vitamin L Slim Light Box for Effective SAD Light Therapy. Just a few minutes a day with it propped up near you while, say, having some toast and coffee, might make all the difference. Check the reviews. Genuine wish to help. No commercial advantage on my part.
ReplyDeleteThanks Dave, I take supplements and have daylight bright bulbs in the workshop already, but thank you for the thought, I’ve looked myself too in the past but there is little scientific proof of them working. I’m lucky to be able to get out when it dry/bright enough with the dog.
DeleteI've been relieving the gloom by reading about and watching Canal Street Wharf. What a super little railway and history behind its existence. Brilliant.
ReplyDelete(Cardiff has been basking in sun today, Thurs, and I've been talking trains with a good friend in our local) All is well.
Gosh that’s a blast from the past! Hope you enjoyed it.
DeleteI certainly did James and with an oval of Peco OO9 (with every other sleeper removed) I have begun a little something in O9.
DeleteYou are an inspiring chap!
Have a great weekend
Thank you for your words James. Just what I needed in a difficult week.
ReplyDeleteI understand your feelings at this time of year. The dark days, cold temperatures, and gloom affect my mood. I think November is the most difficult month. The spring seems so distant.
But even on the lowest of days, my check in with your blog at the end of each day provides a real bright spot. Even if that five minutes is the only positive I can draw, then at least it is something.
So thank you. Especially when you gave your own struggles. Because your writing does so much to lift others.
Thank you David - I know many find these conversations and words difficult. I certainly did - but counselling through grief and growing up have taught me a lot that life hadn't... recognising and expressing these feelings goes a long way to accepting them. With acceptance comes some sense of peace. Hope you're alright.
DeleteThank you James. Similarly, I used to find talking about these kind of things very difficult, but have learnt of the importance of sharing, once we have found a safe space. You blog is obviously such a place for you. But it has become so for me too. Offering a daily ten minutes to quietly read and occasionally comment. For that, I am eternally grateful to you. Thank you for letting us share. Take care.
DeleteWhilst perhaps not always a pleasure, writing daily is part of a routine that does help provide a sort of framing for my life.
Delete