Crossing my mind…

As the days grow longer, the snow drops umbrella the daffodil shoots, the sky is blue and the sun is warm I can feel a little of the winter gloom lift from my heart…

The changing of the seasons is a welcome improvement in my mental health but no cure. Life’s challenges, be they family or financial, continue to play heavy on my mind. From experience I know that anxiety leads to a production of adrenaline, over time to cortisol and beyond from depressed to depression. Managing my mental health at this stage of my life is not about counselling or pills - but recognition of the symptoms or feelings, an understanding of the causes and a gentle acceptance of taking things one day, one step, one moment at a time. 

Anxiety can be just below the surface and recognising the physical sensations that a flood of adrenaline brings I stepped out of the cycle last night… “I need to go and make something” I said to my partner, putting down my tablet, stopping scrolling… instead I switch on ‘Coalbridge Street’ and run a train. I recognise the movement and motion as familiar, they calm me. The tactile switching of turnouts, direction on the controller… definite clunks and clicks. Turning of the throttle results in a direct and physical motion - the mind is connected and soothed a little. I notice the lack of crossing signs - something I had wanted to tackle for sometime. A look through my collection of materials I find some suitable plastic sections and dig out my tools, handles worn smooth by their years of familiar use, these are comfortable and require no mental effort to use… measure, cut, stick, adjust. The computer is fired up but not for the internet or social media - instead I open my favourite graphics package and draw up some lettering… familiarity with the digital tools akin to those knifes and rulers on the physical cutting mat. Cut, stick, place and stand back.

Whilst the result is lovely, unique and part of the layouts character, this story, beyond the photo tells more than how - but why. To calm a busy mind. It can sound a cliché but those who experience this effect themselves will recognise the power of model-making, of craft, of creating. Powerful. Step back from expectation and don’t fight the process. It is easy to tell ourselves we can’t, that it’s too hard, perhaps it would be easier to buy one - whilst completely understandable, acceptable too, these thoughts come without the potential of personal growth, of reflection nor the opportunity to create meaning. Our hobby offers much to many, to me it is everything. 

This photo could be captioned “Coalbridge Street, New England in the 1970s, HO scale, Peco track, Bachmann locomotive, Modelu figures, James Hilton’s heart”. Until next time, more soon…

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