Cold but comfortable…

The wind is blasting the house in forceful deliberate gusts, smashing the ‘big rain’ against the lounge window where I sit, wrapped up in a blanket with two dogs for company and contemplating the world this morning…

Dregs of cold coffee remain in my old ‘Railfreight’ mug, a pile of railway books tucked down the side of the sofa - enjoyed on the frequent breaks from the workbench; I’m surrounded by my things. Despite the weather I feel safe - cold but comfortable. 

This description metaphorically matches my general state too - for whilst the bench is busy with commissions and the laptop filled with new book and magazine projects, I feel like I’m treading water. Cold but comfortable. Safe and earning a crust but a little lost and lacking direction.

This malaise visits more frequently in the winter months - but as I read more about neurodiversity I try to understand myself better too, it helps to be with these feelings rather than fight them. I identify as a creative person - I find myself creating but not being creative… 

That is difficult to be with.

For now I’ll take a stroll back to the workshop and see what curiosities and delights await my touch, my hand to craft, create and complete them. 

It won’t be long until it’s time for a second coffee, and a chance to get out in this weather (the big dog won’t walk herself); to feel alive once more - as well as wet! Until next time, more soon…

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