Finally catching the train…

Alongside the obvious enjoyment from new purchases, research and model making that these N scale Canadian models have facilitated has been an unexpected development. I have found myself talking to my Dad through these exploits - engaging in a gentle mindful positive conversation with a man who shaped so much of my time and interest in this hobby…

Until now, 15 years since his passing, I’m aware I have mentioned him and his impact or influence on particular projects. This has not always been entirely positive, for whilst the modelling itself has been enjoyable and cathartic, there have been failed projects where the emotional connection felt like wading through mud.

This feels different, an open (obviously one sided) occasional dialogue, an engagement and celebration rather than homage. A more mature response perhaps, one tempered through time. This discourse imagines working on the project and sharing it as things develop; rather than trying to construct some sort of homage to a memory, doomed to be weighed down by the burden of grief, this is open and full of possibilities.

Dad left a big void in my life and over the years I’ve tried to find something to fill that space, to moderate the sense of loss. Through time my life has changed, I have learnt and today, I have found that I don’t need to replace him; rather accept this shared experience of the hobby is more ethereal. And real.

The models I built that felt too painful (Bear Creek and Gerald Road 1 and Gerald Road 2) were trying to force a connection through their subject. This is exploring something already shared, but in a new way. Imagining the conversation and energy behind this project and how things may have developed. Dad would have been so excited about the possibilities of modelling his beloved Canada in an N scale where the quality of the models equals or exceeds those we were playing with 25 years ago in HO… it feels like, and you’ll excuse the pun, we’re finally catching the train together…

Until next time more soon…

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