More seasonal melancholy…
Perhaps it’s the weather, perhaps it’s the time of year, perhaps it’s the low light, perhaps perhaps perhaps… Whatever the reason I feel sad…
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| Bear Creek, a melancholic connection with my Dad’s love of logging railways and Shays. |
It didn’t start this way but before I’d even finished first coffee I felt the familiar shape cross in front of my sun casting me in to shadow. Not darkness, mind, it is still light - and I can see well enough to carry on with my day, but nevertheless sad.
As I sit and ponder this emotion, recognising there is a little comfort to be found in ignoring it. This is a pattern I’ve encountered since I was young and for many years I struggled feeling like there was something wrong with me, later burying it and trying to put a brave face on - especially when I worked as a leader in a large manufacturing company. The result was instead feeling a sense of resentment, and that changed my mood and impacted those around me.
Today? Today is better. Through life experience and some awareness of mindfulness I notice it before it changes my behaviour. Accepting the emotion. Being kind to myself and returning to the tactile acts of craft that restore me I will see how the day progresses.
And model railways? What of them in this gloom? Pausing to review and appreciate past work, old memories and find new ones in the pages of a well thumbed book. Comforting. Later, the act of craft so practised in pursuit of my love of trains will deliver me through the day and to tomorrow.
Wherever you are in the world, in your life and in your mind, in the words of Dr Frasier Crane “good night Seattle, and good mental health”, until next time, more soon…
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I hope I can lighten your day just a little by thanking you ( and NHY581 from RMWeb) for getting me to finally "nail some Peco track to a board and get something running". You have both provided the inspiration to "go small" and get some modelling in. Thank you both.
ReplyDeleteClive - that's very kind but there is no need to worry. I've lived with my head my whole life, it is part of, I think, my creativity - the has to be a yin to the yang - the darkness to the light so to speak... so I'm alright. Writing these reflection down and sharing them here is cathartic - but more, I hope explodes some myths and encourages others to be honest with themselves too... even if not the wider world.
DeleteAs for the layout progress - that is great news, and best of luck with it!
Yep, I agree with Clive, above. I've done nothing with models for years but buy and sell stuff, never creating, just wasting money. Your books and blogs have made me go in a different direction, abandoning the dream layout scenario and making the decision to go small but in 7mm. "Scenic" photo plank / DCC programming track under way, baseboards for slightly bigger plank built. Not being patronising here James, simply stating fact. Oh, by the way, I have several friends who suffer with SAD to varying degrees but like you, they find a way through. Keep going.
ReplyDeleteThanks - and again - good luck with the project, glad that my ramblings and thoughts have resonated in such a manner that dreams become a new reality.
DeleteI don't think the lack of sunshine this summer has helped either James. Yesterday's ferry wagon VIX conversion looked great. I've just indulged in some retail therapy at Kernow Model Railway Centre this morning as a distraction from level 3 diploma in adult social care study, a small rake of MSV tipplers are heading my way when I visit the shop later. The price had lowered significantly. Time to get on with track laying... Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this blog. Take care.
ReplyDeleteYou could be right - whilst the weather and lack of light isn't helping, it's just the roller coaster of my mind really. I do hope, as I responded to Clive, that by sharing it not only helps me (which it does, so I'll keep doing it) but also, helps others just as my modelling conversations do... The MSV rake sounds interesting, you must share more when you're ready...
DeleteMany of us have been there, multiple times. It hit me badly on saturday at an event I'd be looking forward to for months - months during which the stress has been building, but still it blindsided me. For the first time in 13 years I've had time on my hands this year, but my enthusiasm has hit rock bottom.
ReplyDeleteI did get cheered up on Sunday, at the Stafford show, which gifted me some of those interactions that can make the hobby so rewarding socially and emotionally.
You and I have talked about this before James. Yes, it still creeps up on me sometimes… glad you were able to find enough to get to the Stafford show, and the resulting balm.
DeleteI believe I can relate too. I think that it is the curse of the creative mind. For every high that you get from creating a particularly good layout concept or making a fine model. There has to be some sort of corresponding low. It happens to me. Right now I'm riding a ridiculous high, with two layouts under construction and a third one being designed. Your post has reminded me that at some point this will come to an end, and nothing I'm working on will make any sense at all, and that sadness and melancholy will take over and I just won't know what to do. It might last a day or two, it might last longer. But I've experienced it enough to know that the high and excitement will return.
ReplyDelete